1. I went to Brighton and bought an Adam Ant ticket from the person who saw my sign that said “Help! I need a ticket!” The show was good, really punky and fun.

2. I got 4 hours of sleep and came to Glastonbury, pitched a tent in the rain, walked around in the mud, drank cider, walked around in the mud, slept in the rain, walked around in the mud, drank more cider, walked around in more mud. The music stuff starts tomorrow (although Ke$ha is rumoured to be playing in about two hours; sure, I’ll check it out. There’s not too much mud between here and there.)

Just another beautiful day in the English countryside. What's that you say? There's a monument behind me?

Yesterday was my big-ass British driving adventure. This was a needlessly expensive endeavor, and frankly one of those most stressful days I can recall having. There were the plentiful scrapes on the sides of roads, the lines of cars behind me as I winded my slowly down dark country roads, and I also got lost multiple times. It wasn’t all bad. At least I got to experience an outdoor concert during a hail storm. You can scratch that off my bucket list!

My first stop was the rental car agency, which I stupidly thought was on Edgeware (that’s where the Hertz is), so I wandered around looking for it, and it wasn’t there. My stupid Tripit app decided at that moment to NOT work, so I had to find out where it was. So I paid 50p for some Internet time at a sketchy cafe. I also made sure to print out directions for that night’s ride home, you know, because I wouldn’t want to get lost.

Then I’m in my car, and the whole thing is fucked. Driving on the left side of the road is one thing — you get used to this pretty quickly. What you don’t get used to is the fact that everyone in London drives like you’re the biggest asshole in the history of the world for not speeding through traffic. It’s like New York but with weirder and narrower streets. The worst part of it all is sitting on the right side of the car when you drive. This is awful. I had to shift with my left hand, which as an ambidextrous person, isn’t so bad, but I kept banging my hand against the door going to shift. Every time I got out of my car to take a break, I’d open up the left-hand door to get back in. Want to go in reverse? Where’d that rear view mirror go?

But it messes you up in subtle, dangerous ways as well. I’m driving a rental car (a Renault Scenic — some of you would ask), so I have no idea how wide it is. And after scraping the curb a few times, my paranoia increased. You drive through these villages where cars are just parked in the road, making a two-lane road into one very narrow road, and two cars want to go through at the same time, and I’m just letting everyone else go, taking it easy. But then of course I get these lines of cars behind me who all want to pass me, but the roads are so twisty, narrow and windy, forget about it. It was nearly 14:00 when I finally got to Stonehenge (a good 2 hours over estimate).

I feel about Stonehenge much like I felt about Old Faithful. Not very exciting, and you can’t get close to it to make it exciting. I understand they don’t want people to tag Stonehenge, or knock it over, or climb on it or whatever, but it’s a bit ridiculous. Most of the people arrive on buses from London, snap a few photos and go. Sure, it was rainy and windy yesterday, but take the time to listen to the audio tour at least. I did, and I found out that they don’t really know what it’s for. “Imagine yourself on a procession to Stonehenge, if that’s what happened here.” There’s even a Doctor Who joke on the audio tour; they tell you to stand by the Tardis at one point. I mentioned this fact to the audio tour kid, and he said, “Is there? I haven’t listened to it.”

The English Heritage people create their own Stonehenge mystery. Why is there a walking path to nowhere that you aren't allowed to walk on?

After Stonehenge, I went to Bath. I didn’t know why I was going there, other than that it was supposed to be a place to go. I yelled at no one a few times trying to find parking before going into a car park that had impossibly narrow ramps with car paint all over them, probably left by American tourists in rental cars. I didn’t want to add any of my paint to this collection, so I was extremely careful, and got honked at. Well fuck you, too!

So did I go to the Roman Baths in the 15 minutes I had before they closed? Heck, no, I went to Millet’s and bought a tent and sleeping bag. I figured I wouldn’t have a better chance. Besides, I was already so frustrated and out of it, I wanted to do something normal, like shop. Had there been a Vans store in Bath, I’d probably have a new pair of Vans. (As it is, my Merrell shoes are already failing me, and they might not make it through this entire trip. Can anybody recommend an insole?)

After Bath, it was on to Westonbirt Abrobretum, which felt a lot like watching a concert in Golden Gate Park. Sophie Ellis-Bextor opened, and she had a couple of hits in England about ten years ago, and people were enjoying her as a novelty act, although her new album is really good. No one at this show, with the exception of the tall hand waving maniac in the front row, will ever hear this album, though. It’s a shame.

And then we waited for Erasure, and then it started raining. Not some gentle drizzle, because when it rains in England, it pours like a motherfucker. Just sheets and sheets of rain. The band came on stage, played one song, then went into “Breath of Life,” and next thing I know, marbles of hail started falling everywhere. Ice for everyone’s drinks! Andy Bell commented, “Can’t God make up his mind?” Two songs later, the rain had stopped and by the end everything was dry but the muddy ground beneath. (Rubber boots FTW!) The concert was incredibly fun, which was good, because I was considering leaving early, but then they’d play another song, and another, and the rain never came back, and the people danced and sang, and all was good.

So of course I had to drive home afterward. I looked at my directions and saw that there were many country roads in my future. So I pulled out the beat-up, five-year-old road atlas I had borrowed from Europcar, and found a way that was several miles out of the way, but involved fewer country roads and more highways. I led a giant line of cars to the M4, and then I sped along, all the while scared that I may not actually know where the road was going. It wasn’t lit, and the lines weren’t even reflective. It was a fucking nightmare.

But it couldn’t get worse, because I had my directions, and when the highway finally became lit at Reading, it was clear sailing. And then I got off at some exit somewhere which wasn’t the exit I wanted because that came up too fast, and then I followed a sign that said local traffic. At this point, I was driving down tiny roads with homes and drunk people, including one weird guy who was dancing with a stick through the street. I was lost, with no hope of escape. Except there was. I called Megan, asked her to pull up Google Maps, and she led me safely to my destination. She’s like an angel looking out for me!

Does Megan have the phonebox? Or did I see this today in Trafalagar Square as a promotion for some tourist attraction?

At long last, my rental car nightmare was over! That is, until it took two hours, directions from three different people, and a lot of being honked at to get back to the car drop off point. But even talking about that would stress me out, and I’m unstressed right now. Today, I watched West End Live, looked at my favorite paintings in the National Gallery, saw Attack the Block, and ate some delicious cheap Italian food. That’s so much less stressful, it’s practically sleeping.

Underneath the Thames is a foot tunnel. You climb down 87 stairs to get into it from the north side (where my hostel is), and 100 stairs to get out of it into Greenwich on the south side (where I bought my mobile phone today). It’s dark and a bit spooky to walk through it. At any point you could get ambushed by a bunch of crazies, and have no way of escaping.

Also prominent are the many signs saying “no cycling” which are patently ignored by the cyclists who go screaming through the tunnel. You see, the tunnel starts with a gentle slope down into a perfect straightaway before gently sloping up at each end. These bikes are going fast. In this way, London is like Oakland: the bikers ignore the road signs! However, I’m not busy worrying about whether or not I’m going to hit them with my car when I see them here.

This post includes a bit where I talk about having a mobile phone. I do have one! Do you absolutely 100% NEED to reach me while I’m here? If so, send me an email explaining why in 200 words or less, and I’ll consider sending you the number. I’ll warn you, though, the number may change in a few weeks. Oh, the joys of European cell phones and their unlocked sim slots.

I guess this is where I am. I didn't manage to snap my own photo.

I’m here in LAX. The good news is that my gate is only two gates away from the gate I landed on. The bad news is that they charge $7.99 for Wifi, so I paid it. Also, I have nearly three hours to just sit here waiting for my plane. That’s pretty boring. I’m going to watch something on Netflix to pass the time.

But what’s really important to everyone is my itinerary. So here it is:

• United Kingdom: June 17-30
• France: June 30-July 4
• Belgium: July 4 – 12
• Netherlands: July 12-21
• Sweden: July 21-29
• Finland: July 30-August 1
• Estonia: August 1-4
• Russia: August 5-7
• Sweden: August 9-10
• Germany: August 10-22
• Czech Republic: August 22-29
• Hungary: August 29-September 3
• Slovenia: September 3-5
• Italy: September 5-15
• Switzerland: September 15-18
• Spain: September 18-26
• Germany: September 26-October 4
• Home: October 4

That’s it!

You can look for me on Skype as DorgonSF. If I’m green, try me. If not, you can always leave me a voicemail.

By now, I’m sure you’ve all seen the Spinning Platters Top 15 Albums of 2009, and you’ve been waiting patiently for me to release my personal list with it’s accompanying witty commentary. (Just don’t look for little album cover photos here like I had over there; that took ages.) One change for this year is that I’ve written full reviews for many of these albums over on Spinning Platters. For those albums, I’m providing convenient links rather than writing new material. It takes a lot of time, this editor in chief thing, so I’m looking to save some. Read on, dear readers!

15. Patrick Wolf – The Bachelor.

14. The Bloodsugars – I Can’t Go On, I’ll Go On.

13. Porcupine Tree – The Incident. It’s rare that a Porcupine Tree album with finish this low on one of my lists, but this album just doesn’t give me the urge to listen to it over and over again. A lot of the material on it seems extremely derivative of their earlier work, and while that criticism has been popular over the last couple of albums for others, it’s finally become true for me. Plus, the second disc feels like throwaway tracks to me, and rather than raise the value (more songs!), it lowers it (mediocre songs).

12. Tommy Sparks – Tommy Sparks. I mentioned this guy in a post earlier, linking to his video of “She Got Me Dancing,” a fun track built on a “borrowed” riff from the Ohio Players’ “Love Rollercoaster.” The whole album is just happy dance music, and I find myself coming back to it over and over again.

11. Jay Reatard – Watch Me Fall.

10. Muse – The Resistance.

9. Silversun Pickups – Swoon.

8. White Lies – To Lose My Life.  For two weeks earlier this year, I was really into this album. I started telling people about it whenever I could, and I bought tickets to see them supporting a band called Friendly Fires that I had never heard before. Well, after the show, where Friendly Fires blew me away, I started listening to them and forgot about White Lies. But then I started searching through my music for 2009 albums, and I started loving this record again. It’s got that dark British sound I like so much, the singer sounds amazing, and the lyrics are melancholy (if a bit obvious at times). Now I’m into the album again, which is why I like making these lists so much.

7. Grizzly Bear – Veckatimest. I owe my love of this record to Michael McDonald. He recorded “While You Wait For the Others” with the band as a B-side, which finally got me listening to Grizzly Bear, and then Veckatimest. I discovered immediately that this was not the alt-country band I assumed them to be, but rather a band with sweeping harmonies and melodies that seem to tell a story. It’s beautiful stuff, and is best enjoyed in quiet contemplation.

6. The Joy Formidable – A Balloon Called Moaning. This is technically an EP, but maybe it’s an album. The confusion over this cost it a spot in my nominee list for Spinning Platters, but I can do whatever I want here, so I’m including it. This is a Welsh three-piece band that’s yet to visit the U.S. for any shows. I discovered them through a blog that’s now dead to me (but you can follow the amazing former writer on Twitter) when I saw the video for their single, “Cradle.” There’s an enthusiasm in the performance that’s absolutely infectious, and there’s an urgent drive to the band’s music that forces me to pay attention. When I went to England, I hunted down the CD and brought it home. It’s great from start to finish.

5. Phoenix – Wolfgang Amadeus Phoenix.

4. Dredg – The Pariah, The Parrot, The Delusion.

3. Metric – Fantasies. This is another one that shot up the charts while listening to everything again to make a decision. I guess Metric is technically an indie rock band, but it’s when the synthpop influences are prominent that this record really shines. There’s no bad songs on this album: it comes in quickly, kicks ass, and then leaves just as quickly. This invites you to play it over and over again, appreciating all the subtle genius. There’s lyrical brilliance, unexpected tempo changes, and an impressive dynamic range.

2. Bird and the Bee – Ray Guns Are Not Just the Future. This album is the highest charting Blue Note release in this history of my list. That’s because this project started as a jazzy pop project from Inara George and Greg Kurstin, and has evolved more toward the pop and dance side of things. What you’ll find when you get this album is a sweetly sung collection of songs that wear the influence of the “standards” on their sleeve, but then all run through the production of a guy whose credits include Britney Spears and Lily Allen, among other chart-toppers. It’s a labor of love, for sure, from a guy who’s basically too busy to do it. (I asked him how he finds the time for Bird & the Bee when I went to a signing in Austin, and he shrugged and smiled.) It’s an inspired pairing, and there’s songs on here for every mood.

1. Music Go Music – Expressions. As a bonus, what I wrote about it for the Spinning Platters Top 15: This album is a representation of everything that’s right with today’s music. It’s a band thrown together from pieces of other bands as a fun side project. It’s been promoted through clever low budget videos on Youtube. And the band shines more as a live combo than they do, even on my favorite album of the year. There’s really no way to separate the joy I get from watching them from the joy I get listening to this. I’ve written a full review of this album for Spinning Platters, and I think it says everything there is to say about what makes this so wonderful. Just know that it’s the best time you’ll have listening to music in a long while.

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Winners in other categories:

Song of the year not found on one of my top albums: “My Girls” by Animal Collective

Probably the second place choice for the song of the year thing: “Remedy” by Little Boots

My favorite 2008 album that I didn’t discover until this year: Friendly Fires by Friendly Fires

Best holiday album that people are making fun of, but I think I may actually like non-ironically: Christmas in the Heart by Bob Dylan

Here’s some of the favorites among my recent entries:

In defense of John Mayer

An interview with Judgement Day

A rant about record labels

http://spinningplatters.com/2009/06/24/glastonbury-diary-part-one/

http://spinningplatters.com/2009/07/02/glastonbury-diary-part-two-the-experience/

http://spinningplatters.com/2009/07/07/glastonbury-diary-part-three-the-music/

http://spinningplatters.com/2009/06/11/patrick-wolf-at-slims-6809/

A day in the life of a music nerd with We Be the Echo, Kippis Band, The G.A.V., and A Current Affair:

http://spinningplatters.com/2009/06/15/a-sunday-spent-with-the-locals/

I pick six of my favorite YouTube music clips:

http://spinningplatters.com/2009/06/16/spinning-platters-picks-six-hidden-music-gems-on-youtube/

http://spinningplatters.com/2009/06/03/jens-lekman-bottom-of-the-hill/

A festival preview of the Wanderlust Festival with commentary on what I consider to be poor marketing:

http://spinningplatters.com/2009/06/03/festival-preview-wanderlust-festival-in-squaw-valley-72409-72609/