Archive for February 10, 2003

Sniffing paper

February 10, 2003 Leave a comment

UPS has sent us free paper. Using this paper will save the company thousands of dollars a year. It is unquestionably in the best interest of the company to use this free paper.

The paper stinks.

Not in the sense that it is bad paper (which it is). It doesn’t hold the toner well, smudges easily and processes slower due to its thickness. But it also . . . STINKS.

Sniffing this paper is like sticking your nose in the magic marker factory on the day they are painting it. It’s causing me headaches, nausea and dizziness. Soon it may also cause fainting and/or vomiting. I am not responsible for anything that I may do or say under the influence of this paper.

The journal has stretched out over two albums. I am now listening to an album that has a song title on it which I have sometimes used as a password for things. In this public forum, I choose not to name this album. Ask me some other time.

And now for tonight’s addition to Gordon Elgart’s Book of Lists

The Top 5 Tech Toys/Tools I want to buy.

1. A new computer. This 533mhz Celeron with the 192MB of ram and the USB 4x CDRW drive and a 15GB hard drive and no video card . . . it’s creaky. A friend of the household just bought us a wireless router and I want to take full advantage of it by getting a laptop with a wireless network card. I also want a laptop because, well, I want a laptop. I like my laptop better than my desktop, and my laptop is a PII 233 with an 8 GB hard drive. And heavy. And with a couple of bad pixels.

2. A USB Flash Drive. I was obsessing about this earlier. Basically this is a thumb-sized device that plugs into a USB slot. Go to for information on what these things are. I am not too picky about the brand (one of these or a Belkin, please).

3. A Home Theater setup. I need 5.1 sound, DTS, big booming subwoofers. And not just for myself, but to play loudly and annoy everyone else in the house! 😎 But seriously, I have all these surround sound tracks just wasting away.

4. Archos Multimedia Jukebox. A total toy. Basically a laptop hard drive hooked up to a tiny screen with an FM tuner and headphones and AV out. Carry all your audio and video files around and share them with your ears and your eyes and your friends. The most useless thing on this list.

5. Roland V Drums. The biggest pipedream on here. A likely purchase when hell freezes over or 2007, whichever comes first. A $3000 electronic drum set. Silent when you want it to be, sounding like the real thing when you need it to be. Very cool. Very expensive. Very unlikely.

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