Archive for February 11, 2003

I’m so Straight, I’m a Weirdo

February 11, 2003 Leave a comment

No no no. Not making comments on living near San Francisco, and I haven’t been watching Smallville too much.

I’m listening to Rick Wakeman’s Rock N’ Roll Prophet Plus! He recorded this album in 1979, released it in 1982 and added 4 extra tracks to it in 1991 for the CD release (the plus). This is, without a doubt, the kookiest music he made in his entire career. And he has put out a lot of albums. Wanna see how many? Go to and look at the discography. It’s astounding, really.

Anyway, this song here is called I’m so Straight I’m a Weirdo, and he sings on it. Badly. And the background singers also sing. Badly. It’s purposely awful (I hope), but was actually a UK pop hit upon its release in 1979 (the single made it out only on the other side of the Atlantic – we here in the US were spared the pain!)

I have no major news to report today, so I’m going to talk a little more about this album. I am now listening to a song called “Maybe ’80,” in which Rick sings about how he hopes the 80s will be a groovy decade. He sings badly, but not quite as badly as in the previous song.

This may be the worst album ever recorded. I love it. Here’s a synth doowop number called Spy of ’55. Like the stuff you’d hear on your Nintendo, except worse.

No rant about Rock N’ Roll Prophet Plus would be complete without a mention of the essential track “Do You Believe in Faeries?” Spinal Tap has nothing on this song. When Dave Barry wrote his book about bad pop songs, he missed this one. But thankfully for the music industry as a whole, everybody missed this one! It could have spelled doom for the entire record industry.

So tonight’s addition to Gordon Elgart’s Book of Lists will be:

The Top 5 AWFULly good songs of all time. These are the songs that are so truly awful in their performance, that I can’t help but love them.

Rick Wakeman – I’m So Straight I’m a Weirdo. Nuff said?

Leonard Nimoy – Here We Go Round Again. A sample lyric, if I could. “If you love somebody, then that somebody is gonna love you.” On what planet? Vulcan? Yeesh! This is the best awfully good song in the Leonard Nimoy catalog, although others were considered.

Stumpus Maximus and the Good Old Boys – Release Me. The B side of Def Leppard’s Armageddon It. Probably performed by them, alhtough I have never proven it one way or the other. Someone played this by mistake once night on the jukebox at the cafe at Emory University. My friend and I laughed our butts off. Other people ran in horror. From then on, of course, we played it every time we went there. And it never left the jukebox because it kept getting played! We would watch people leave the cafe or the workers turn down the volume for the complaining patrons. Beautiful stuff. The worst rendition of any standard . . . ever.

William Shatner – Henry V soliloquy. I’m cheating because this is not a song, but there is music playing. When Kenneth Branagh or Lawrence Olivier due the big “Once more unto the breech, dear friends” speech, I want to go to war. When Shatner does it, I want to go to the bathroom! Horrendous stuff. A must listen!

Richard Harris – MacArthur Park. Named the worst song of all time by Dave Barry and his readers, the Richard Harris version can only be appreciated if you know about Richard Harris and his gang back in the 60s and 70s. Apparently (ok not apparently, but admittedly) he was one drunk wildman back then. His talk show appearances rocked. So to hear him croon “someone left the cake out in the rain” is just pure adulterated bad song bliss. Check this out and you’ll miss RIchard Harris, too.

Until tomorrow!

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