Author Archive

The Free Non-Challenge and The Free Challenge

June 3, 2003 Leave a comment

Today I did a couple of “free” things. (I put the free in quotes as there are transportation costs).

First off, I met a friend at the San Francisco Museum of Modern Art. The first Tuesday of each month is Free Tuesday. I had been a couple of months back, so most of the exhibits were the same. There was a new exhibit called “Reel Art,” which featured film as art. It was small and inconsequential, although I received headachy motion sickness from a piece by Atom Egoyan and someone else whose name I don’t recall. It was entitled Close and it was a film being shown in a narrow corridor such that your face was inches from the screen. And it was about cutting rabbit’s feet off of the rabbits, or some such thing. Crikey!

My favorite thing in the SF Moma is the comment books. They are on a desk in one of the exhibits with pencils, and you are invited to write whatever you’d like. And the stuff people write is absolutely precious. From small children writing simplistic things to small essays on the meaning of minimalism, I never fail to be entertained. An interesting trend was found in today’s comment books, however. It seems someone from the South Side had decided to tag the books by writing South Side on as many pages as possible. This led to a small tag war within the book.

Someone else hypothesized that some of the pieces within the museum take on the concept of a fascist gallery, like the museum is. This led to fascism being a running gag throughout the rest of this book, with many references to it on the following pages, all of them sarcastic. I think it would be a great part-time job to be the person who reads and interprets the comments within these books. I may need help for a few of them, as they are in foreign languages!

The next part of the day involved The Free Challenge, which was to attempt to prove the urban legend that Giants tickets are found left behind at bars and on newspaper racks on poorly attended weeknights at Pac Bell. And tonight was going to be one of those nights. The Twins are in town, and they are not a big drawing card in San Francisco. Plenty of good seats were available.

When I arrived, the ticket prices were already below face value. So the first thing I did was get some $1 Double Cheeseburgers at McDonald’s. Then I walked around a bit. This is 7:15, and the game has already started. I poked my head into a couple of bars and found no tickets. So I went to the free viewing area behind the right field fence and caught a couple of innings there. The guys there told me that when people have extras well after the game starts, they often bring them here.

Fourth inning rolls by, I decide to walk the lap around the park and see if any tickets are laying around on bars or newspaper racks. And I have no luck. I go back to the fence. Sure enough, people are coming in and handing out tickets, but none for me. Some scalpers have lowered their prices to $5 for box seats, but the idea was to get in for free, so I hold fast.

At the end of the sixth, I have to go to the bathroom. I ask the worker where to go and it turns out there is a public toilet outside the park. Nice. I decide to make the lap again. Many fans are leaving, which may complicate this process for me. As I round into sight of a security guard, I notice him pocketing a ticket. So I nonchalanty ask him a question.

“Do you know where people might leave tickets? Is it possible to get in this late?”

He hands me the ticket, natch. It is in the second row of the center field bleachers. So it is possible, ladies and gentlemen, to get a free ticket to a poorly attended Giants game. Unfortunately, you only get inside with three innings to go. And I never did find one on a bar or newspaper rack. But perhaps others did.

As for the game? The Twins won, 6-4. Barry Bonds hit his 627th homerun. He was on deck with the Giants down by 3, Rich Aurillia up, bases loaded, one out. But after a ten pitch at bat, he hit into an inning ending double play. This was the key moment in the game. And the Giants never really recovered. A lot of people leave these games early. It’s gross. They should leave me their ticket next time!

I found out tomorrow is Free Zoo day, but I think I need to rest up tomorrow. I sense I may be coming down with something, and need to fight it off. Wish me luck!

Categories: Uncategorized

Cattle in the marketplace, scatterlings and orphanages

June 3, 2003 Leave a comment

What is a scatterlng?

Today’s word of the day!!!

It is NOT in the online Merriam Webster dictionary. Perhaps I should shuffle off to the gigantic dictionary in the kitchen. I have not pulled a Diane Court and marked off every single word I have referenced, but I can’t even count the number of times I have trod barefoot across my house to look up something in the middle of the night. And tonight, it’s scatterling.

Got to the kitchen and decided to make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. It will be nice to use some bread before jkinetic can eat it all. When this guy makes sandwiches, he makes 6.

Scatterling is an archaic word meaning vagrant or wastrel. It comes back into speech as a line of the song You Can Call Me Al, which lends some of its lyrics to this journal as its main title.

Tonight, I titled this piece with even more lyrics. I wanted the cattle to refer to the fact that there is a gigantic tin tray of meat in our refrigerator, a care package from Doc’s barbecue.

I am listening to a Porcupine Tree single for shesmovedon that was stuck in the case to They Might Be Giants Flood. Luckily, Flood was in the case as well. Since I do not have the case for the PTree handy, I do not know what song is playing right now. Let’s look at Porcupine Tree’s website and find out! Heh, the song is called Untitled. How perfect! No wonder I didn’t know its name. It is almost over, so the music in the music box in the journal tonight will certainly be Flood. Unless I have a lot of conciousness!

I think he should decide if he is your only friend or if he is not your only friend. How could it be so hard to know?

Tonight we watched the rest of Coupling Season Two. I can’t discuss what happened because sweetmegumi would KILL me. She would take out a giant sword and/or knife and rip me to shreds. But I am pleased that the quality of the show has continued. I mean, why shouldn’t it? The great thing about British television and Japanese animation is that these series tend to have endings. They run for a brief time and then they end! They don’t drag on and on and on and on until they suck. So when the American remake of Coupling premierers, they will have more episodes in one season than the British series had during its entire run. Of course it will suck.

I applied for seven more jobs today, and I wonder if I should be removing experience from my resume to make myself look less qualified. Either that or my resume is complete and total garbage and I should start from scratch. Does anyone want to take a crack at writing my resume? If your resume gets me a job, I will buy you a gigantic sushi dinner (well, an all you can eat dinner, but at somewhere good, like Moonstar). And if your resume gets me a high paying job, I will even include round-trip transportation!


1. Does anybody hire fat waiters?
2. Are there people out there who use Viagara to masturbate?
3. Shea Hillenbrand for Byung-Hyun Kim?
4. Who is this triangle man? Is this a sexual reference?
5. What will the sequel to 2 Fast 2 Furious be called?
6. Why is my CD burner so ornery?
7. If a woman gives you a phone number without you having asked and goes out of her way to ask you to call her, and then clicks her phone over to voice mail both times you try to call, and then you leave a message, and never hear from her again, does that mean you ARE me? Or does this happen to other people, too?
8. Should I go for a walk now or should I go to sleep?
9. Is anybody still reading?
10. What am I supposed to do with this rock now that I have wound a piece of string around it?

Answer those and you are wiser than me.

Categories: Uncategorized

Feeling a wee bit smoky

June 1, 2003 Leave a comment

I came home from Doc’s barbecue today feeling like I had been smoked. So I took a shower, and I STILL smell somewhat smoky. The cannibals would be loving the smell of me! It feels pretty gross. I have washed my hands over and over and over again and I cannot get the smoky smell out! I am the Lady MacBeth of smoke!!!

So the barbecue was fun – not much meeting new people this year, as this is now an annual tradition for me, and I know most everyone who comes. For details on the food, see drave117 as he is surely to write a big piece on each individual meat product. He took pictures!

I am going to try washing my hands again. Not that I am obsessed or anything, but I just want the smoky smell to go away!

Ok i used green apple scented Dawn instead of regular hand soap, and now my hands smell like smoked apples. MMMMMMMM…smoked apples.

I end the day with a little prayer.

Now I lay me down to sleep,
After a meal of cow and sheep.
And if I die before I wake
You can surely blame the steak.

Categories: Uncategorized

Lovin’ it, but not.

June 1, 2003 Leave a comment

Tonight was the last of my run of concerts. Tomorrow, everything goes on hold for Doc’s BBQ, THE meat-eating event of the year. Vegeterians run in terror as Doc serves up multiple courses of beef, chicken and pork in many different forms with a wide variety of sauces and marinades. Last year, I designed a t-shirt which was illustrated by Rob Van Brunt of The Robman Show.

Doc’s BBQ Collectible Merchandise

The Robman Show!

So the concert tonight was Love (with Arthur Lee). People had said it was going to be all original members, but this was woefully inaccurate. Arthur Lee himself was the only one there. The rest of the band was a bunch of 20something musicians, all really excellent. I wonder if any of them had heard of Love before they showed up for the audition.

This was a special concert as they were playing the entirety of the Forever Changes albu, which is their most signficant, and apparently best album. To make it perfect, they had a horn section and a string section. All these players were also 20somethings. They were smiling and playing and having a grand ole time.

The music was quite good and the crowd was silent during the songs and applauded loudly between songs. It was a good, respectable crowd. They were, unfortunately, smoking a lot of pot like last night. And since I woke up feeling really sick, possibly from all the inhalation of the prior evening, I decided to bounce early.

So I took the bus to Post and then walked down towards the Black and White Ball to see if there was anything to see. There were only police barricades to see, so I went home. I managed to get a BART car all to myself, so I sang and danced the whole way home. It was a joyous experience, let me tell you. There just aren’t enough places you can sing and dance by yourself in pubic.

The evening was capped off by Space Beans AND Apples to Apples, and there was much laughing. But damn if it ain’t 3:30 and I have to get up in the morning to stuff myself . I should jog there.

Categories: Uncategorized

Astute readers may recognize the name of this quiz . . .

May 31, 2003 Leave a comment

You don't get it, do you?
What Annoying Internet Quiz Are You?

What annoying internet quiz are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

Categories: Uncategorized

Barcodes and Trey

May 31, 2003 Leave a comment

These Live Journal barcodes are sweeping across my friends page today. I have seen 8 of them. What is the purpose of these exactly? Does someone out there have a scanner? And if they did, what exactly would the scanner do? Ring you up? And if you think I am talking about you specifically, I am not, so please do not write me and tell me that you are offended by my criticism of barcodes. No, not you. You.

Tonight I ushered Trey Anastasio at the Warfield. The music itself was alright, mostly jammed fukny stuff. I can’t understand why anybody would rather hear this than Phish. The best part of the concert was when Trey sat down and played a few songs on acoustic guitar, and then the band returned and busted out Dazed and Confused. I missed Dazed and Confused, hearing it only on a fellow usher’s cell phone as we raced to the BART. Were the show better, the urge to catch the second-to-last train would have not have been as great.

It was quite a scene, though. WAY too much pot smoking, but at least everyone was up and dancing throughout most of the show. It’s a refreshing change from the normally staid audiences that usually sit in the balcony. As an usher tonight, in what became basically a general admission show, all I had to do was dance. So I danced.

And now I am super tired, so those of you that like short entries have gotten one!

Categories: Uncategorized

Feeling Blue, Humming Venus

May 30, 2003 Leave a comment

(Second attempt, as my browser crashed doing non-Live Journal related work)

Tonight, I went with What and to see The Blue Man Group at the Warfield. They have recently released a rock album called The Complex, and this is their “rock tour” to support that album. The album features guest appearances by such people as Dave Matthews and Tracy Bonham, tonight’s first opening act.

Tracy Bonham, the one-hit wonder responsible for Mother Mother, opened for Ben Folds Five at the University of Hartford on April 11, 2000. I know this because I was there. That night she was mediocre at best. Tonight, she improved. She was mediocre at worst. The crowd was not into her at all. Of course, most of the crowd was expecting to see a Blue Man Group show like those in Las Vegas, New York, Boston or Chicago. $100 for that, $30 for this. Take what you get!

The next opener was Venus Hum. Halfway through their first song, I went over to What and said “I’m in love.” The singer, Annette Slean, has the purest cleanest sweetest soaring voice I have heard in . . . well . . . a long time. She just beams on stage, dancing and smiling while singing her songs. And she’s cute, natch. The music being played by the two other members of the band is akin to Depeche Mode or Kraftwerk, synthesizer backing tracks that perfectly fit the vocals. The overall effect is entrancing. I may have missed some people getting their seats, as I was completely transfixed.

(I now break for a stupid crush moment. Drave and I both bought Venus Hum’s CD, and the singer was signing them after the show. So we cracked ours open and she signed them. And I said “She smiled at me . . . because she wanted to!” Ahhhh…..silly schoolboy crushes. I miss those.)

Finally, the Blue Man Group take the stage and just blew the roof off of the place. The three blue guys playing their homemade instruments of mass distruction. Gigantic drums, weird large intestine tubular things, electric whips, ad infinitum. Tonight they were backed by two guitarrists, a bass player, two keyboard players, and four drummers. Their music is an orgy of tribal percussion. They threw in some “songs” tonight, but all the entertainment is the brilliant rhythms, both audio and visual. Because these people don’t just play well, they also play with style.

The stage setup was absolutely incredible as well. I don’t think I ever seen as effective a lighting design as this. I hate to describe this, as I cannot possibly do it justice, but let me try. The icon for this show was a walking stick figure like the ones seen on a Walk signal when crossing the street. They had plentiful animations, including one which gave instructions on basic rock concert movements, like headbanging, fist pumping and jumping up and down. At one point in the show, some green walking guys were projected on the back screen playing instruments. But then there more of them stage center. Except they weren’t projected animations, they were people wearing special suits to make them LOOK like projected animations. The illusion was so incredible. I am stunned sitting here just thinking about it.

I am having a great week of music, and tomorrow it will continue with Trey Anastasio and his 9 piece funk ensemble, also at The Warfield. My music themed week will continue as well, with the All Time favorite musical artists to be posted tomorrow or Saturday.

Categories: Uncategorized